Jesus did not wear a watch.

Jesus did not wear a watch. 

Earlier this week I found myself exhausted after a good, but long, week and ready for bed at 8PM on Thursday evening. I posted a cliche little post on facebook that said something along the lines of “Bed at 8PM, call me old but goodnight.” A friend and mentor of mine commented a few days later that I should take time to take good self-care of myself and that sometimes that means going to be early- he ended with a hard joke- Jesus did not wear a watch, right. 

What did he mean I wondered to myself. Why was it important to note that. I have been thinking and thinking about what he could have meant in his comment and am finally coming to a place where I think I can wrestle through his tough love. I think that CH was telling me that I am called to do good but that a part of that calling means that I need to take good care of myself too. That it is important for me to go to bed at 8 sometimes and not feel guilty about it. Sometimes we need 8PM bedtimes. 

I have wrestled with this message all week and yet today, Saturday night, it is only 7 and I am feeling exhausted. I have lots to do it seems and I always want to just push through my exhaustion but at what cost? 

In answering a call to ministry I have discovered that I am going to have to be better at answering the part of that call that beckons me to find the sacred in myself and to find time to rest in that, to bathe in the love of God that I so willingly want to hand out to those around me. This, admittedly, is hard for me but in the light of a crazy week and exhaustion I am feeling this call even more strongly deep within. I think the first step is admitting this need. Admitting that I will burn out before I learn things I want to learn if I keep traveling at the pace I feel that I must, admitting that when I stop and wait and bathe in the grace of God that I am reminded of things that I might have let myself forget, at least momentarily. 

As I write this I am sitting on a friend’s couch- enjoying a warm bagel, snuggling her puppy, looking out the large living room windows into the stary skies above and reflecting on life and what I am called to do and be in the world. As I reflect on the things that I may have forgotten in the midst of my crazy week I can think of a few- 1- I am called not as an employee of God but to walk with God and share God’s grace, 2- It is important to be ministered to not just ministering and 3- God’s grace is far larger than I have EVER imagined, EVER!

The grace of God has held me in the midst of my highs and lows-- in my busy weeks and exhausted evenings. Sometimes I just have to open my eyes to it -perhaps the most beautiful part of this grace, this hard to pin down in words affection from God, is that it is always present- for everyone- and never runs out. 

Jesus did not wear a watch. 

He just was - he had places to be and people to see too- but he did not let his calendar take over his ministry. He let his ministry take over his calendar. God’s grace was the scheduler. I pray that I can invite the grace of God to bathe me like never before and that I can be minister and ministered to. Amen and amen.