November 29, 2014

Coming home, going home.

I am a North Carolina girl. I just happen to be living and working in (and loving most days) Mississippi for the moment. At least that is somewhat how I have had to rationalize and manage my current place in the world.

As I write I am sitting in an airport watching people coming and going and waiting for my flight from NC to MS. I am waiting to leave home for my other, newer, home. It is a weird feeling. 

I counted down the days for about a month before I came home and now, just like that, it is time to leave again. I am not so sure how to feel about any of it. Except I know that the idea of home is now bigger and different, the same and so sacred. While I was at my NC home, with my fam and friends, I sat with baby cousins talking about toys and dreams, I cuddled a month old princess who already has my heart, I shared meals with family and beloved friends whose simple smiles and laughter refilled my soul. In ways I did not even know I needed. 

Yet now the world is back spinning and swirling and it is time to go back to work and life and friends in MS. And that is not so bad after all. 

For the first few months being away I struggled with the idea that I was not home, at all. And that was scary. But now I sit, eyes full of tears- crafted from love and new memories, and know that I have another home I am returning to. I am returning to friends who are like family and to work and to joy and my calling. And that is good. Words to craft this feeling are fleeing but what I know is - This trip back to my new home is not that bad anymore. I am in fact quite lucky- people are loving me from all around. People are nurturing me from all around. That is good. 

My home is now different and the same. Yes, I miss cousins and friends here but I discovered during this visit that the love is still there- in fact somewhat deeper and more appreciated- but I have something good to go back to. I am not alone. Love travels the distance, memories fill my heart, my eyes well up with tears of joy and thanks. For I know that not everyone has this kind of love to travel and bounce between. I am a Mississippi girl, I am a North Carolina girl. I am a lucky girl. I am a loved girl. I am blessed and when I open my eyes I realize that I bouncing between drifts of love streaming across miles and through so many narratives. How beautiful. 

November 17, 2014

The many colors of love.

Below is a sermon I recently delivered on Matthew 22:34-40 (The spacing looks odd but that is how I write sermons to deliver them with enough spacing and breaths) 



Matthew 22:34-40

34 When the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together, 35 and one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. 36 “Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?” 37 He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’38 This is the greatest and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”



In today’s scripture passage we are thrown right smack dab into, 
yet another,
 argument between Jesus and the Pharisees... 

At first glance, at first read, this argument seems shocking 
yet- if we look back throughout the Gospel of Matthew, we find this particular writing full of these very kinds of encounters:


moments of high anxiety and fear and question all 
unfolding together into a conflict nine times out of ten 


The scene we enter is that of Jesus and the Pharisees -


They are all gathered together 
and the Sadducees are around watching, 

The Sadducees- had just been shut down by Jesus
 in a similar question answer verbal battle
 of passion and belief 



The Pharisees and Sadducees are those groups that were ‘against’ Jesus, for a lack of better terms, those who took defense that this radical leader was perpetuating a Gospel of love that was taking over their territory, the religious real estate that they so clear saw as belonging to themselves only




In the wake of the Sadducees’ silence the Pharisees, perhaps eagerly, are attempting to prove that they are better or smarter than both Jesus and their counterparts

 I imagine the Pharisees gathering together in a huddle, like a team preparing for the hail marry to win the game, pushing forward one of their own to make the play ... 

 a lawyer from the group, willing or unwillingly, steps forward from the Pharisees and says 

basically 

So Jesus tell us the most important rule, the greatest command we should follow?

now we do not know if the lawyer from the Pharisees asks this question in a snarky or rude tone or in inquisitive thirst for the answer Christ might give.. 

all we know is that a BiG question was just asked
 and that Jesus had better rebut with a good answer 



I mean, Jesus is basically asked to sum up his theology, 
his ENTiRE belief system, 
in one sentence. ... 

I am not sure about you all but that invitation, in itself, is quite daunting



but this-  

this 

is where Jesus knocks them off of their rockers by proving himself and his credibility with even these, 

those who have deemed themselves his utmost enemy, 

by saying the greatest command is to love God and that like this you should love neighbors, all of them. And that you should do both things  all of the time. 


i imagine these words sent a silence over the crowd as they realized that this man 

this leader named messianic hero, 


was quoting from the holy scripture they knew, 
they loved, 
and that they had practiced so often -

 these verses, these laws, coming from the shema, a highly beloved jewish prayer found in deuteronomy and the law found in leviticus 


Jesus melds these two things they have known, and attempted to practice themselves, together and they are silenced 


 i imagine that it is much like the silence that falls upon tiny children when they fall and get hurt after doing something they were just told would make them fall and get hurt 


that second- guessing- oh- you-really - did - get - this 
and - really did mean-this kind of silence 


The pericope stops with Jesus melting these commands together as being important in the life of a Christian and the Pharisees and the Sadducees stewing in a silent awe soaking it all in 




I imagine that if i were there, if i were a pharisee or a sadducee I would fall silent at hearing these words as well....  

i mean lets be honest here, 


the call to love God is a big call standing on its own and then to add right on top of that to love your neighbor,

      neighbor: code for everyone in Jesus-lingo

as yourself makes me loose my breath, at least momentarily,  out of the sheer weight 
these commands carry



Jesus well realized that in being asked the greatest command he was being asked to sum up his message

 and to sum up his message was a big task 

so he does it as only Jesus can do - in a sort of tricky manner 

tricky because of the weight of these commands 

the call of these commands is to reorient ones life day in and day out towards love 
A reorientation that commands us to Love God first
to love God fully, and always, 
And then to share that love, to show that love 
by loving our neighbors. All of them. 


Jesus is reminding us in the call to orient, to direct, our lives around the love we have for God that loving God extends far beyond sheerly uttering the phrase 
“ i love God” --- though it might do us good to utter this life changing, life giving phrase, intentionally more often 


no, perhaps unfortunately, it is not as simple as uttering empty affections to gain attention for our piety, 

To love God we must be willing to put the peddle to the metal, so to speak


in saying that the greatest commandment is to love God with one’s entire being- their entire mind and body and spirit- Jesus is urging for a transformational relationship between us and our creator, 

the one who knows the number of hairs on our heads and the 
prayers echoing within our hearts 


in answering the call to reorient one’s life toward God we are saying yes to a life of active, 
messy,
and likely,  difficult mercy 


a life that says i cannot oppress
 or exclude 
or downplay
 or harm another in
action or word or thought and
yet say i am FULLY loving God 




i imagine this encounter between Jesus and the Pharisees 
those asking this question, eager for Christ to stumble from confusion, 
to be a beautiful and vivid portrayal of pastoral care found 
between Christ and man in scripture 


you see Jesus does not jump back in a hateful tone
or with harmful language

 but he takes the promises this group has known 
and loved 
and attempted to practice 

and reformats them into something they can envision 
themselves within once again 


Jesus gathers the knowledge of his forebears,
 distilling it into the two commandments he gives,
 and sheds light into what should be 
the most essential component of our lives:

LOVE 

as simple and as difficult as that can be 


Jesus provides an example of the commands he is giving. 

He loves God through attempting to love his neighbor in calm response 
through familiar commands 

Jesus teaches love of God and love of neighbor through active, 
messy, likely difficult to give out- mercy 




i imagine that Jesus, our brother, knew good and well just how difficult it can be to practice what one preaches in light of 
 oppression and betrayal, 
snarky attitude and hateful disposition, 
But yet he still models just how important it is to 
love God and love neighbor, always, 
as he stands amidst the Pharisees pleading with them: 

 love God, love each other, love me, orient you lives around love
and the rest will come 

peace will come 
and lives will shaded with the
 transformational hughes of mercy and grace 
that only God, our creator, can fashion 



in his call for us to love God, Jesus is not  calling for an emotional bond that is like that found between parent and child or spouses but instead Jesus is urging an active love that is willing to get dirty on occasion 

That first corinthian love that Paul speaks of that is patient and kind, that endures all - the good, the bad and the ugly, 

love that is not rude or arrogant or boastful but strives to sit in the middle of strife and listen, 

love that seeks out truth and rejoices in it and love that focuses upon the glimmer of hope in the midst of desperation 

Not an emotional bond or intellectual goal but a lived out action that stretches into the depth of our souls and reaches into the crevasses of the world as if to say, “someone is here and listening and you are important” 


Jesus is saying that in loving God one’s life will be markedly different 

that in loving God one is practicing 
a lived out love 

a life-reorienting love that stretches beyond modern cultural ideals and beckons you, and beckons me, to life a life in which we know no other way than to search and find sacred-worth in all people

in all of God’s creation 


a life in which we let go of any negative emotional feelings towards one another in favor of active mercy, active love,

love  that brings our enemy soup to their sick bed 

active love that holds the hand of the one who
 has hurt our heart in wake of their personal crisis 

active love that orients oneself around God’s promises to never leave us 

active love that leaves no option but to use our gifts, and rely upon God’s grace, to work together in the best and the worst of times 



in taking upon this active love of God we are invited to become Christ’s own heart beating within the world- 
a heart overflowing with love for all God’s works


in saying that like the command to love God we are commanded to love neighbor as ourself Jesus is saying something along the lines of 

so you want a way to work this love out 

do you want to express the reality of your love for God - 
well look around you, 
there are lots of people that you 
can practice with and among 


not just those who are like you 
or who agree with you on everything 
or who gave you the best birthday gift

but those who have hurt feelings from your actions
 those who have forgot to call you on your birthday
 those who have inflicted pain upon your own heart 


that is where you should be extending my love 

that is where you should be showing God love 




Through these two simple, yet transformational, commands Jesus is inviting us all to reorient our lives 

to open our eyes toward others 


the invitation is profoundly simple
and all too often painstakingly difficult 



Back in August when preparing for children’s choir to begin R looked at me as we talked through ideas and said 

“i have project for the kids.
 The love project “ 


At first i did not know what she was talking about but trusted that it would be something beautiful- 

The kids were challenged by R to reflect upon their week, each week, of the choir semester upon one way they have shared the love of God, mercy and grace in action, with someone in their lives 


They were told to bring an image, drawing or write up of their act of love each week to cover the bulletin board by the choir room.

 Two days after the challenge was issued the first email came  in- 
bags of necessities and snacks shared with those less fortunate than the children themselves 

soon emails and pictures came rushing in
  • helping at neighborhood festivals
  • sharing treats with siblings
  • writing cards to those sick and in the hospital
  • praying for friends in need 
and more 


each week i walk by the board and find myself grinning when seeing the sweet handwriting explaining how one child helped her sister with homework 

i have stopped many times and repeated the phrase that R told the kids at the beginning of the challenge over and over again 

Love is not love until we give it away. 

Love is not love until we give it away. 


Perhaps that is the even more boiled down sentiment that Christ shared with the Pharisees and Sadducees that afternoon 

Love is active.
Love will grow stale if we store it away for ourselves. 
Love is not love until we give it away. 



When i talk about the love project with the kids or with Rand other staff i continually find myself amazed at the love of God these children, our children, are sharing with one another and with all the neighbors of our world 

And  i often wonder why the challenge to love God by loving others, even when it is a sibling or a not-so-friendly person, did not take the breath away from the kids - at lest for a moment - the way it so easily does for myself 

i mean this challenge is BiG and can be hard 


Yet, the love challenge has taken off and lives are bing reoriented from the inside out 

The kids have realized, so quickly, that sharing God’s love, that living out the love they have for God, in loving their neighbors as fully as they love themselves, transforms relationships into something more beautiful than ever expected:  


As a part of the love project the cherub choir was invited to make cards for children in the hospital 

After the cards were made, J looked at me and instructed me to give the card she made to a girl her age, a four year old, 

because four year old girls, she said, like pink and purple and she made her heart pink and purple and so a four year old girl would feel better with that card only 

i smiled and told her that i would be sure the card got to someone who would love it


Her determination to ensure that someone she did not know would feel better by her feather color choices radiated love for God and neighbor in ways that her still growing mind cannot even comprehend 


She got it, Love is not love until you give it away. 




in today’s scripture passage we are thrown right smack dab into, yet another, argument between Jesus and the Pharisees... 


A moment of high anxiety and fear and question all unfold together into a scene of love enacted

Jesus turns takes familiar laws and reorients us all around his message of love 

And he shows us that anyone can do - love 

anyone can act mercy anywhere 



Together lets examine how our actions radiate love toward God
Together, lets join in that great love project that Jesus 
first initiated 
The invitation is daunting 
The command is breath-taking 
but so too are the results

Maybe, just maybe, we will reorient the world through 
God’s love and all surrounding grace 


And maybe, just maybe if we open our 
own eyes to receiving God’s love  
we will find someone waiting 
to share the same with us 

with a hands outstretched sharing a heart shaped card
 decorated in colors chosen especially for us 


Amen 

Bountiful Feast

The other night as I attended an appreciation dinner at church that was provided to persons involved with our homeless outreach ministry. 

Our ministry to house-less friends offers meals daily and has different programs every day like legal aid, healthcare, haircuts, job training, ect. It is a beautiful ministry that has transformed my heart and helped me to form beautiful friendship with folks I might have never connected with outside of the walls of the church. 

 Well, the man who has been helping lead it is a wonderful man named E. E is an "ex-con" with a "hard" past- his own words- who has had a transformational experience and now works for the church at large as a local pastor and with this ministry as a minister and (I PROMISE THIS IS TRUE) the best cook you could ever hope to meet.

 E decided he wanted to host a meal for the house-less friends and all those who come and help volunteer and offer services. We all were under the impression it would be a simple dinner- he was funding it himself. E does not live a 'high life' and so the offer already was generous. We all know that E can cook well and that whatever he offered would be a delicious offering. 

I am not sure if you have seen the movie Babette's Feast- this is a movie about a french maid who is connected to some sisters and long story short after winning the lottery or something like it she spends all of her money on offering those she has bonded with a french meal fit for a five star restaurant.

The meal that E offered to the house-less friends and volunteers of the ministry was Babette's Feast come to life. 

The meal seemed to never end and was 5 star quality. He spared not one expense and served every single person with a smile and thank you. This beautiful meal was this real life outpouring of love just like that offered by Babette. I was in tears, beautiful. I wish I could do more justice by explaining but the only words i have was to say that i experienced babette's feast and was beyond blessed. 

I encourage you all to check out the film for yourself (you will not regret seeing this treasure): 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvNifgj_dv4

* A huge thanks to one of my div school professors and favorite mentors for first introducing me to this beautiful and rich film. 

Top Ten Lessons (from my first 6 months full time in the church)

Below are my top ten lessons that I have learned while in ministry full-time, post seminary… they are in no particular order (as they are all so important): 

1- Sabbath is important. So important. - Church life can be so busy. I knew that but I had no idea just how busy. I have discovered that sabbath is essential to long-term thriving and loving of one's call into ministry. 

2- When horning sabbath, honor yourself - I am really bad (yes, I am admitting this- all mentors, please insert a clap for me here!) at masking things I do on my sabbath day as being for me when in reality the baking of cookies for sunday or the scheduling of confirmation is something that would bring me more joy another time. I have learned that in horning sabbath you must honor yourself and that in horning yourself you are not being rude or arrogant but realizing the depth of God's love for you. 

3- Say no. Sometimes you just have to say no! This is by far the most difficult lesson that I continually have to learn and re-learn but is slowly sinking in. I am learning that in saying no I have more time to live in my call and passions and that in living into my calling and passions I am brining joy to God. 

4- Plans do not always go like you plan- I love color coordinated calendars and schedules but have had to throw them out the door in the church, for the most part. Life happens and is messy and crazy and beautiful and sometimes when it is too scheduled you miss the grace God is offering.

5- EXERCISE. Everyone needs to move around and do something different and good and get some endorphins. This is a good lesson. 

6- STAY IN TOUCH- stay in touch with family and friends and let them know they are still so important to you. You are to them too. STAY IN TOUCH. Keep the norms you can- they can change and that is beautiful too. (Thankful for my dear friends!!!)

7- Do not be so serious- life is too serious and sometimes you just need to let go of the busy and over scheduled day in favor of fun - long lunch with coworkers, jokes at work, visiting kids at school and more! 

8- REST - there is always work to do. ALWAYS, so do not get so caught up in the details, take time to rest. It is good for you 

9- Do what you love- I have found a space to share what I love and to find ways to live into my call by doing what i love and am ever thankful for this on the good and the bad days. Do what you love and waking up for work will not be something to be dreaded (Expect on mondays, ek!) but something to be celebrated 

10- do not over schedule- do what you do and do it well, do not add too much but take time to know the needs of your church or ministry and to hone in on them and to make them good, and sustainable and lay-people led. This is real ministry and it is BEAUTIFUL to watch it unfold. 

A warm embrace.

It is hard to believe that I have been out of seminary for about 7 months now. Some days I sit back and check out the website of the school and read articles my classmates and I read back in school - dreaming for those long nights studying, those prayers before exams, those chapel services hearing friends and professors share the gospel. 

If you would have told me that I would even long for papers and books and assignments during my final set of finals I feel certain I would have laughed at you but it is true. I am there. Some days I wake up with an urgency to be back in the classroom. 

Many of those days are the same days that I feel that my ministry is not being helpful enough or that I am not good enough for this calling and that maybe, just maybe, if I go back to school- I will become good enough or helpful enough for some ministry, somewhere.

This sentiment is one that I have been struggling with lately. When talking about this with the senior minister (good person) at my church I heard him say, "None of us are good enough, God's grace is good enough." 

When I think deep about what I am longing for most in school it is that community that challenged and supported me through thick and thin (I know I have this at my new church, it is just a different kind). This past week I found myself having a few of those little holy nudges, those reminders that God was hearing and looking out for me (despite my desire to actually verbalize these feelings with even God, my creator). I opened my phone to a message from a beloved div school friend telling me she was praying for me and I received a 'how are you and how is the job' email from a friend and professor. These things reminded me that even when I feel this community I am so striving for is  so far away that they are holding me still- in a warm embrace, praying with and for me and supporting me as I continue to learn and grow.

Learning and growing is hard. Leaving the community that so nurtured me shook me to my core- yet I am standing (and so are they). I find myself calling on pieces of my classmates knowledge as I plan, calling on their stories as I live into the gospel, feeling their distant-embrace as they hold me and my new ministry in prayer from afar. And I hope they feel the same embrace from me. 



Prayer with my beloved classmates and seminary friends and mentors during chapel. 

Let them spectate.


While in college pursing my undergraduate degree I spent MUCH of my time in the Religion department (and much of that time was dedicated to improving, clarifying and making more concise my papers and essays). I had one professor in particular who pressed me beyond measure. As a first year student in her History of Christianity course I knew that if I could make it through her rigorous class I would be able to endure most of what school would offer.

No lies, during my first year of college this professor intimidated me with her knowledge, her passion for her subject and her determination for the students to do what they were required to do. She pushed us to be the best we could be (and that is something I will be ever thankful for). As I was learning and growing throughout college this professor became a mentor and friend- her fierce passion and determined dedication to the student body always inspired me.

One lesson that this professor helped me to learn I am just now fully grasping.

In my first full-time, post seminary, job I have found myself doing so many different kinds of tasks on a daily basis. Each day I find myself doing something that I did not expect or feel somewhat unsure of I find myself seeking out the best staff or lay person to help teach me what to do, how to do it the correct way. This is something that I would not have always been comfortable doing. I am a self-proclaimed wonder-woman-want-to-be who typically thinks she can do things her own way.

Yet, in the church I have continually found myself reaching out and resourcing for help on my path. In college, my first year, with this beloved professor I can recall the one (and only… I learned my lesson) time that I thought my paper formatting tools were better than those suggested. Those suggested were new to me and required me to spend time learning from a classmate or tutor - something I was embarrassed or ashamed to do. I wondered what people would think. What would their speculations be? Would they think that I was not smart enough?

 Well…. long story short, this professor politely taught me (via her red marking pen) that sometimes it is better to reach out, to ask for help and learn something new. And that in this reaching out you must avoid the speculations and welcome the affirmations.

Each and every time I reach out for help at work I take a deep breath and thank this professor for inviting me to be brave and to learn from those around me. She taught me that I do not have to know it all or be it all and that sometimes being the best me requires the help of my sisters and brothers. And that is something I do not mind people making speculations about.

We are all part of one body, the body of Christ. 

I pray that I remember this - even when I want to be Wonder Woman. 

The Unexpected Sacred

Tis the season for the church to become inordinately busy with the now and the whats next - the upcoming events seem to be smashing head to head with the now events and everyone's head is spinning, at a least a bit, trying to wrap their minds around what day it is. 

Life is always interesting in the church. Nothing can be super set in stone, because well- life happens. Things change, crazy happens, rest is needed, family is needed, phone calls are needed, and the list goes on and on. As one who is working in the church I am growing more and more used to this pattern. My urge on the inside for color coordinated schedules is being somewhat thrown out the window because I am learning, daily, that life happens. 

Today I was in a meeting with a wonderful person and as we talked I was expressing this sentiment- that I am learning my schedule will be shafted from time to time due to other things that come up and that often in those things I am doing ministry that was not expected (emergencies, sickness, ect.) but that is sacred and wonderful… I kept talking (if you know me, you know I can ramble with the best of them) only to be interrupted and asked, "When do you let your own life's stuff interrupt, when do you find the sacred in your unexpected?" 

I was dumbfounded. Crap. When do I do that? I have no idea but knew that could not be my answer. I smiled and we soon shifted gears but have been thinking of that question all afternoon- when do I find my own crazy, unexpected, sick, bad day blues in and how do I begin to name them as sacred? That is a hard question. 

But ALL day I have been pondering it. All dang day long. And I have come up with the realization that  it is something worth working towards. I once heard a Jewish rabbi say that he hangs onto the good times and the bad or sad because he knows that he can learn just as much in the good as the bad, that he can find just as much grace and love from God in the good and the bad. He just has to allow himself that space. 

I think in ministry it is all too easy to let oneself block off personal emotion or feeling in favor of those around them. But I think that God is calling me to not only minister to those around me but to let them minister to me. This is hard and frustrating but beautiful. Tonight I am painting and thinking over those less than stellar things and offering thanks for their scared-ness (even when it is hard).